White Female Bass Player in Her Late 50s – At Risk of Opioid Poisoning, Google Ads Is on the Case

Jennifer Finch, bassist of the legendary punk band L7, had a fiercely proud moment when Bass Player Magazine featured her in its latest issue. Excited to share the news, she eagerly took screenshots of the article, showcasing her in full “bass playing” rock glory on stage. However, as she tried to take screen grabs, she became flooded with targeted ads warning of opioid poisoning.

“At first, I thought it was just a weird coincidence,” said Finch, “But then I realized—The algorithm seemed convinced that her ‘50s weren’t so much ‘thriving artist’ as ‘high-risk demographic in desperate need of intervention.’ While others in their fifties might be getting ads for retirement planning, senior cruises, and joint supplements, Finch was being subtly reminded that rock has a different endgame.

“Where some people my age are being sold the dream of quiet suburban living, the internet wants me to keep the party going—just, you know, don’t die, yet?”

Like most sentimental, aged rockstars, she reminisces about the pre-pandemic days when people cared and stuck musicians on reality TV shows with clueless hosts posing as medical professionals. “Those were the days,” she exclaims. “Now, the only thing I have to look forward to is the ‘fentanyl fold” and hoping a good Samaritan passing by is educated enough to carry the life-saving drug with them.” It’s ironic because that’s exactly what it feels like to be a woman bassist in your 50s.